Why do we do the things we do?

I have come to learn that one thing I really long for is good relationships. I feel best knowing I have those people I can turn to in a time of need or just to be in community with. I love being able to do little things for them to let them know they are appreciated and loved. But when it comes to people wanting to do these things for me I can't ever accept it. 

Since I left JBC I have kept in touch with no one.... literally. I mean I talk to people on occasion but there is no one I talk to on a regular basis. I can literally say that at this point I have become so involved in my job and made myself so busy that I have no social life whatsoever and no friends. 

I don't say this to get some sort of pity party because it is completely my doing, however it has taught me a lot about myself. As much as I love having close relationships and want them so desperately in my life, I push them away. I wish I had some really great explanation for it and knew how to fix it but I got nothin. I'm trying my best to stay grounded in my faith and continue to work through these things by diving in the Word and searching for truth. I have heard many times in the past week that I am loved by God and He is proud of me, and while everytime I hear it I write it in my notes there is something in my mind that just won't let me believe it... 

I'm just trying to continue to pray and search for answers.....

Busy Busy Busy!

Well there is quite a bit to catch up on since I last posted. 

First off-- I now have a full time job! PRAISE GOD! I am the three year old teacher at Little Explorers which just makes me feel so blessed day in and day out. I have great co-workers who are constantly lifting me up and telling me that I'm doing great even when I feel like I'm not doing anything at all. I see THE best kids every day of my life and there is nothing better than being in the hallway as they all come in each morning and getting hugs and high fives from all of them. 

In addition to working there I have been babysitting like crazy! I have been working with a few families at the school but also Jen who has become such a great part of my life passed my number around to some of her friends that have been keeping me busy. I love it! There really isn't a day of the week that I go without some sort of babysitting or working with kids... except Sunday but two weeks ago I did my training at E91 to volunteer in their children's ministry so it's all taken care of! :) 

Last weekend I went on a retreat called the Discipleship Walk it's similar to the Great Banquet or the Walk to Emmaus if you have heard of those. Regardless it was a life-changing weekend and such a great experience. If you ever have the opportunity to go do not turn it down. You learn so much about yourself but also it's a weekend where you can build your relationship with Christ and you really see through many different people and events just how loved you are. For me that was huge because I don't ever feel like I'm loved so it was pretty emotional for me. 

Other than that things are pretty much the same. Living with the Schuh's is so great! Tori has been such a blessing and I am so lucky to have her as a part of my life daily. Not only do we get to live together but we also work together! I'm getting ready to start a new Bible Study on Romans with most of my co-workers and I'm really excited about it. I need something like this and that small group feel and what better way to bond with people I see every day than to do so by studying the Word of God? 

Now that I have written a book for the one person who reads this! :) Hopefully I'll write again before 6 weeks from now!

One month down!

Well I have been here for almost a month! It has gone by so fast and while I still don't have a permanent job I have been doing a lot of side jobs and subbing at Little Explorers which has been great!! 

The home situation is going so well! Tori and Cam are great people and I feel like I have adjusted well to living with them. It's so great to have Tori around all the time.... she was pretty much my rock during my student teaching semester and was always there with an encouraging word. It's so nice to have someone that is a strong Christian woman and a great friend around. The boys I think are getting used to me being around all the time now too which is a little bit of a relief. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love them to pieces but for the first couple weeks I was being pulled in 15 directions all the time playing with them. They still get excited when I walk in the door and always give me 20 questions when I leave so it's all good! :) I actually went to Bedford for a couple days last week and missed them so much!

Like I said I haven't found a permanent job yet but I have been so busy working side jobs and such that I haven't had time to sit down and fill out applications and get them turned back in. That is my goal for Wednesday if I don't get called into Little Explorers. There is nothing better than walking in and all the kids screaming "MISS CORA!!!" and running up to hug me. It's causes some chaos in the class but its ok!! :) I have LOVED being back there (it's been 2-3 days a week since I moved back) and am hoping to be there again in the summer and maybe in the fall too if things work out! :) My aunt also heard of an opening at a preschool on the other side of town so I'm going to look into that as well. 

Church is great as always I am planning on emailing the children's coordinator and the jr. high pastor to try and get involved in those ministries because I really feel God calling me there. The church is doing this new thing called Spiritual DNA and it's a class that is geared to help you get involved and I really want to do it but I missed the deadline for the Wednesday Night registration and they are having an all day one on Saturday but Tori's birthday is Friday night and my present to her requires that I be home Saturday so I think the next one isn't until May. Hopefully they will have such a great success that they will have another before then. 

Through Tori and Little Explorers I have gotten to know Jen. She teaches in the yellow room and also goes to the same church as Tori but I have started to babysit for her Lifegroup every other weekend. This coming Saturday night will be the second time I do it but the kids are great and the parents seem very nice as well. Jen is amazing! She has such a fire for God and a huge heart as well. She and I have had some good talks in the last few weeks and between her and Tori I feel set in the mentor category which is good because I was very fearful that I would fall away from the church being that I go on my own and don't know anyone but they are around to keep me accountable for sure and I love that!! 

Well I think that's life in a nutshell for now. 

Only One Box Left...

Well it's official! I'm in Indy! I have spend my day unpacking just about everything and I am down to one box left to go through. Needless to say it has been a very productive day. Tomorrow begins a day of filling out job applications. Thursday I have another sort of interview with the nanny position I've been talking about. I think it may be a go which is really exciting. The mom is a nurse and got her start date pushed back until the 17th so it will be a couple weeks before I would start. I'm really hoping that I can get on a couple sub lists too and I feel like I would be set for awhile. We will see but I definitely just need something and soon!


I'm really excited to be here at Tori's but it's going to be an adjustment for sure. It's still sort of weird to think that I'm living here full time now! I'm excited that the boys are around because I wouldn't know what to do with myself without kids to hang out with. :) We will see how it all goes, it's going to be a transition for everyone..I just pray for a smooth one.
I think the best part of me living back in Indy is being able to get back into a church that I love! I am so excited about getting back into the services at East 91st but also finding places to serve. I really want to find some people my own age so that I have friends here but I also want to get involved with the children's ministries and the Jr. High ministry as well. My 6th graders in Knoxville made me realize just how much I love that age and how at this point in my life I can relate to them but also have the knowledge to help them and give them advice. I found a lot of my students coming to me with things that they wouldn't have told the other teachers and it allowed me the opportunity to help them and point them in the right direction.


I'm also beginning to realize how big this year is for me...it scares me but excites me at the same time. I know that this is all a part of God's plan and that what He has in store for me is greater than anything I can imagine. One of my biggest goals this year is to not lose sight of Christ and let him to continue to work in my life. My faith has always been such a huge part of who I am and I don't want that to change.


Well off to that last box....

Time for A New Chapter

Well as of 11:30am on Friday I was officially done with my undergraduate work at Johnson. It was a very emotional week especially Thursday and Friday having to say bye to my Tennessee family that has been my rock for the last 3 1/2 years and saying goodbye to my 6th grade students who I already miss so much! I did give my students my email address and have already heard from a couple of them and I am already planning a visit or two as long money allows.

I was a lot more upset leaving Knoxville then I thought I would be. For 4 1/2 years I always said I couldn't wait to be done and I couldn't wait to get the heck out of that town but I think I'm going to miss it more than I ever realized. In the last few months I have felt like many of my closest friendships were falling apart and I think it is mostly because life is just so busy for everyone but it still makes me really sad. I'm hoping that after the holidays I will be able to reconnect with these people and can work on rebuilding these relationships.

I have been back in Indiana for literally 24 hours and I am already sick of the cold and the snow. :) These next two weeks are going to be crazy trying to do the holiday stuff with my family and try to get things moved in at Tori's but I can't wait for the first of the year when I am there full time and starting to figure out what I'm doing. I think in the last 24 hours I have had 10 people at least ask me what I'm going to do now with the rest of my life. Part of me wants to be snotty and tell them that if I knew I wouldn't be staying with my aunt and uncle and moving in with a family because I can't afford to live on my own. It is so frustrating because a part of me feels like a failure because I have a college degree and I'm having to still be so dependent on other people. I don't need people to keep reminding me of this.

Right now I'm trying to remember that I need to just keep praying and that things will happen in God's timing. There is a reason that I'm back in Indiana, I'm just still waiting to find it. Until then, I just keep praying and know that things will all be ok.

God is Good!

This semester has been really tough on me emotionally. My first placement was really rough and I dealt with a lot of issues most student teachers never experience. I would drive to and from school everyday and just cry. This second placement has been nothing but a blessing which has been so beneficial because I am in the middle of stressing about a job and so forth.

This week in particular I had my last formal observation which I was pretty stressed about, we use a lot of technology in our classes and a lot was not in my control. Technology can always fail and I hadn't really thought about what I would do if it did fail because it never has thus far, thankfully. I had mentioned the observation to some of my students and had talked to the class that was being observed. On Thursday (the day of the observation) a bunch of the girls came up to me that morning before homeroom to give me a pep talk. They were so reassuring and kept telling me that I just needed to be myself because I am great at what I do. I am so blessed to have some of these kids in my life. One of the girls that was giving me the pep talk even came to pray with me before the observation. They just amaze me.

I never thought I would ever want to teach in a Christian school and this placement has completely changed my mind. I think it would be a great experience. I have the utmost respect for the teachers I work with and the parents and their dedication to their children. Not all families are great and I realize that there will always be negatives but this has been such a positive atmosphere and experience for me. I cannot believe I only have two weeks left and then it's over.

On another note, I had a phone interview for a nanny position this week that went really well. Right now she is checking out some references and then wants to set up a meeting once I get to Indy! The job would start as early as Jan. 3rd so I wouldn't have to go too long without some sort of income. I would need to find a second job but this one is only 6 days a month so it would be totally feasible. I'm hoping this all works out but the mother seemed to really be impressed with me which was encouraging.

Change is A'Comin

Wow! My life is definitely heading toward a time of change and transition. I have twenty school days left with my middle schoolers and then my student teaching semester is over and I'm out into the real world. I cannot believe how quickly the semester has gone. It has been challenging but full of learning experiences for sure. I feel more prepared to be out in the schools from this semester than I do after my four years of undergrad. It's very exciting but now comes the hard part of finding a job.

In just about six weeks I'll be moving back to Fishers to live with Tori and her family for awhile so I can save and get on my feet before adding the stress of rent and utilities bills to my list of monthly responsibilities. I am so grateful that they are going to let me live with them for awhile and help me get started with the next chapter of my life. I have applied for a couple temporary teaching positions in the school system up there, am applying to sub and then have a couple other connections in a few preschools up there. Now it's just waiting to hear something.

I think this is the first time in my life where I can say that I truly feel like this is what God is calling me to do. It took a lot of thinking and praying about where I was going to go after this semester and all the signs kept pointing to Indiana. I always said I would never go back but God is definitely showing His sense of humor because I cannot imagine going anywhere else. I'm excited to get back into church and be able to serve regularly and hopefully get into a small group or something where I can connect with people my age and have a good group of friends. I'm excited for the next six weeks to be over and leave the bubble of college but it's also a bittersweet time because I'm leaving behind some people very close to my heart. Luckily I'll only be six hours away and can hopefully visit often.